Light|shadow, mountain|ocean, father\son, September 2008
All this introspection has me feeling like an ego-tourist. Seeing my "self" everywhere I go. I see myself in my children. In my stories. My photos. The words of others. I'm seeing myself for the first time.
I've learned two things. One is that I've been blind to the card castle me I've built through the years, not noticing how I've constructed and defended it. In a trance. And two, now that I'm fighting off the cultural drugs that want me to stay zombied, I want to kick the whole thing over and walk away. Not to start again and build a new tower, but to live and love without one.
But that frightens me. Who am I without my cards?
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7 comments:
great photos on both recent posts - i know what you mean about building a persona. Maybe batman had it right - it's not who we are beneath, but our actions that define us?
Oh my . . . you're very own chrysalis moment.
I'm just getting back to reading blogs, and I see I've missed quite a bit here at Michael's place.
Must read some more now . . .
I have my own deck of cards I'm dealing with, and rearranging them has been fun, to say the least. But well worth it . . .
B
You really do use language beautifully. I'm envious.
What a gift "to live and love" without a tower. I believe it's possible.
C2+3: Thanks for saying hello. (and for the compliments!)
More and more of us are learning it is possible to live a bigger life than the one we've built. It ain't easy to walk away from all that work though . . .
DFTP: Definition by action? I think that's in the right direction. The problem for me comes from recognizing the thoughts that precede the actions.
Brian: Hello!
I think that's what's so appealing — and potentially so scary — about travelling alone with just a backpack: my tower of cards is far from reach; I must live, and love living, with only who I am. Somehow it seems to work (or maybe I've just been very lucky), the irony being that the connections with people I meet often seem so strong. Perhaps it's because I have little to fall back on, little into which to retreat?
The risk, of course, is introspection; the danger of constantly evaluating how and what I'm feeling, of becoming an ego-tourist (nice term, BTW). Awareness of awareness is not the most important awareness.
Ah Michael, you're talking about the Tower Tarot card. Check out my blog, it was one of my very first entries.
When you knock down your house of cards, you get to build your foundations on something more powerful.
Great opportunity - but whenever that tarot card shows up (for it never happens just once) - I freak out.
There's only so much reconstruction one can do, right?
Wrong ... :)
Enjoy it ... how exciting!
Hi Honour, Good to see your words again.
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