To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender oneself to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. More than that, it is cooperation in violence. It destroys your own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of your own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom, which makes the work beautiful.Boy, do I ever do this! Especially at work. I do it for approval and connection. Mostly for approval. On the surface it causes stress because I end up with too many things on my plate (this is bad enough -- violence to the self indeed) but on a deeper level it conveys how I am not complete within myself. I am not accepting and compassionate of myself AS I AM, faults and all. No wonder I'm getting more and more anxious. No wonder I find myself wanting to get up and run whenever I try to sit for meditation.
The connection to yesterday's post? I have collected all these metaphorical hats (personalities) because my concern has been to please others before myself. (This is also why the stink-eye I witness and back-room gossip I hear about me at work bothers me so much. If I loved myself, it wouldn't matter.) It takes too much energy to maintain it all. I didn't notice this as a younger man because I lacked the insight, but now I know what I'm doing to myself and I would like to stop. Driver? I'll get off here please. Driver? Hello? Do you hear me driver?
Only, I'm not sure how. The driver keeps going and it's too fast to jump. Can one simply stop the madness? I need to get a T-shirt made that says STOP THE MADNESS. No one will ever know I'm talking about myself. Maybe the shirt should say ACCEPT THE MADNESS. Perhaps that's the key? Embrace this thing I do as something we all do. As part of being human.
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Yeah, you're preaching to the choir here, my friend. I was raised to always think of others first. And there are times when that is appropriate, say when you're driving. My kingdom for a day when everyone drives to work using their signals, not tailgating, and paying attention to how their actions affect those driving nearby. But . . . moving on!
ReplyDeleteI do this. And stopping the madness isn't easy. I might blog about this soon, share some things that I have kept bottled up about this very topic, but suffice it to say that we are in the same, sad boat.
We will survive. We might be bruised, but we will make it . . .
the modern workplace is constantly putting pressure on us to do things above and beyond our jobs - simply doing a good job is no longer enough it seems. I think this does lead people to a lot of stress due to the many plates they are trying to keep spinning
ReplyDeleteI guess the solution is to find moments of peace to provide a balance?
Brian: nice to see you again!
ReplyDeleteDFTP: I'm very lucky with my job. I can accept or decline extra tasks (i.e., useless committee work) at my discretion. I work for the government with no chance of reward for going above and beyond or OVER-extending myself. Who am I trying to impress? I'll stick to being the best clinician I can be and focus my clients instead. That's what really matters. The key is to not harm myself in the process. (How's that for indirect advice!?)
It's the stopping that's the hard part. In my experience, that need to please is a river that runs deep and I have had to take some fairly drastic steps to subvert it.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed a subtle language issue here. Accept the madness. Madness. I'm not mad. Probably far from it! It shows how easy it is to be negative. As if it's hardwired into the human condition.
ReplyDeleteThoughts can be changed. The brain can be rewired.