I keep writing posts as comments on this blog: THE CHEEK OF GOD. That's what I call efficient.
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Re: Dissatisfaction with the results of the 50,000-word writing challenge that many of my fellow bloggers have participated in.
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50,000 words is an imposed ideal that isn't quite right for me (or you), but we think we should try anyway because WE CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING we put our minds too. 50,000 is a number. It can teach you (or me) about discipline, but what do you (we) want to write? "All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy." Why do we want to pull together the discipline to write a crap-load of pages just because? I've already got a crap load of pages on my computer, slowly gathering dust as the software I wrote them on eventually becomes obsolete thus leaving those words lost forever. (I started writing when my computer ran off of a floppy disk.)
We love writing so why don't we just shut up and do it? What is the shadow of granite that keeps us on the ground. Whining. Suffering. I know how to work hard. I have the discipline to get up everyday, go to work, and fill my day to overflowing with tasks big and small. Speech Therapist. Writer. Those are just words. What is underneath? How can I (we) free myself (ourselves) from the shadow? I don't understand what I am holding on to that keeps me feeling like I could be doing more, like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Like spitting out 50,000 words of fine creative prose. I bet I've written a quarter million words of clinical reports in the past 10 years. I attach very little personal value to them. They are part of the job. Documentation.
Can we just stop being dissatisfied? Just like that. Let go of the emotion rather than focus on the target of our dissatisfaction? Or rather, look at the emotion, the thoughts behind it and then just leave them be; see through the shadows. Or better yet, accept the shadows as a necessary product of light flowing over a life.
I heard a story on CBC this week about the woman who "invented" multiple personality disorder. Sybil Exposed. Turns out she was mentally ill, but the whole dissociation thing was primed by a suggestion from her psychiatrist and then fueled with some strong hallucinogens. The result was a book that made the psychiatrist famous and (I presume) when the drugs stopped, Sybil (not her real name) became a whole person once more.
I'm not sure why this anecdote came to mind just now. Sorting out the thoughts of the week? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe the idea of dissociation is just that. An idea. Just like 50,000 words that don't exist now, but would if I only applied myself.
I'm going to step off that train. I'd rather apply myself to being whole. If I feel like writing 50,000 words after that, then that's what I'll do.
Addendum: The universe is throwing me bones left and right tonight. Here's the juiciest:
http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success.html.
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I think you have touched on something here. My own steps ( and many of my friends say the same of theirs) are dogged by that I-could/should-be-doing-more feeling. A little of that feeling might be a good thing to steve off indolence, but I think it gets too much houseroom. I actually did the 50,000 words and really enjoyed it. I used the goal as a way to get a story written that might otherwise have withered away through over-editing and too much thinking. The trick might be to accept that we can't do everything and maybe concentrate our efforts on a few things that are worthwhile to us. As you put it so vivdly: accept the shadows as a necessary product of life flowing over a life.
ReplyDeleteI've stepped off that train too (at least the one going somewhere I once thought it might). Sometimes though, wistfully, I watch it go by.
ReplyDelete'Dissatisfaction' doesn't strike me as particularly healthy or helpful, but describe it differently/ think about it differently and it's one of the secrets of life. My life wouldn't be worth much now if I'd ever stopped taking forward steps and demanding more of myself. It doesn't mean that I can't feel happy and fulfilled in this moment. It just means I'm not dead yet. Lol. Right now, life is awesome, but I know that I can work out why my health has never been what it should be and I know that I can learn to choose my friends more wisely and I know that it'd be an amazing achievement to write 50,000 words, but that I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe next year.
ReplyDeleteFinally got a chance to watch the TED video. Never before have I considered that there may be a correlation between those that tell us anything is possible and our own sense of diminished fulfillment. If it's so easy to do, then why haven't we done it yet?
ReplyDeleteHmm . . .
I guess I too am beginning to learn that "success" for me is going to be very different that it is for you. Great video, and message . . .
it has been said that the last thing that a writer will do when left alone is any writing - we're far too good at prevaricating
ReplyDeleteFor me Nano serves the purpose not so much to produce writing gold (clearly unlikely) but just to clear the cobwebs and get the cogs of the brain working again
Merry Christmas x
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