Talked to my boys today about time. One asked, why does time seem to go so fast?
I responded with an age-appropriate lecture about relativity and how time only exists as our perception.
What about clocks?
A way to measure our perception.
What's perception?, the younger one asked.
It's what your senses tell your brain. The sky is blue. Dust makes you sneeze.
My older boy is starting to think big. He asked, What about the way the planets rotate and spin around the sun?
Well, that seems real, but is it time or movement?
Hmmm.
We didn't talk the rest of the way. I dropped them off, watched them open the big school doors, and I drove away.
And another day passed.
I don't remember the last time I posted. Time flies. Five years ago I had hours to sit in front of this screen and write. Hours and hours of belly-aching. Where did that time go? I just don't see it any more. Perception or reality?
What am I supposed to do with this blog? Shut the doors. Burn my bridges. Disappear into the buzzing and humming of the net?
Maybe it's a good thing I have nothing to talk about and I simply need to be quiet for a while. Am I starting to feel satisfied with this life? Maybe.
Maybe I'm tired of these contrived, time-delayed conversations. Perhaps it's time to talk to real people in real time. Tim Horton's. Walks along the river. Scotch at the kitchen table. Campfire evenings. Listening. No time to consider my response. Edit. Make it sound smart.
Or maybe I need to put that writing energy into something tangible. Like a book. About what, I haven't the faintest. The energy is there. I can feel it waiting. For what? Time? A topic? An audience?
That scarcity of time is real. Work. Children. Mowing the bloody lawn. Catching up on my favourite shows, collecting on the PVR. Time is short. Or. Is. It? Could I not change my perception from one of lack to one of abundance? I'm skeptical. I can say the sky is red, but will I believe it against all evidence? How does one perceive abundance? Maybe it is more of a belief than a perception. Fuzzy lines here.
Movement is change. Change is universal. Can I stop measuring tme like watching the grains of sand drain from the top of an hour glass? That is a hard belief to let go of. Frightening. What if I stopped believing there is an end to life? That time is abundant. Endless even. That my limited days in this life are not a race that I have to rush and fill with experience and achievement. Am I calling sky red or am I relieving myself of conditioning that holds me back. Maybe perception isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe the sky is red.
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3 comments:
"It's what your senses tell your brain." It sounds to me like your senses want you to continue writing, fuzzy lines or not. But maybe I'm just saying this because I would miss your writing. Do what's best for your children and your wife and your friends. That usually helps me figure it all out, at least for a while.
i came to blogging hoping to find an outlet for all the ideas that i had no home for - what i found was people across the globe who gave me something to think about and kept me going
I hope you will keep blogging - you never know when these little lost conversations will trigger something bigger
You are much more eloquent than I am ... but your thoughts mirror mine in so many ways. What to do, what to do, time is valuable, time is not. Keep the blog, though. It doesn't have to serve a consistent purpose, just one ... maybe every day, maybe every year! It's ours to determine! I think you told me that.
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