Come down the path with me, July 2011
Whisky descriptions follow a narrow path. Writers probably have a list of words they can select from: peaty, robust, subtle, hints of chocolate, cocoa, and caramel, etc. Kind of boring and kind of arbitrary. Really. Are our tastebuds that similar that we all taste the same thing? I think not. Here's an example of a description. Quite minimal by Scotch packaging standards:
The GlenDronach Allardice, Aged 18 years Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky "Matured in the finest Oloroso sherry casks -- the GlenDronach is a perfectly balanced, smooth, creamy, full-bodied single malt Scotch whisky."Yawn. The website is a wee bit better:
AppearanceBetter, but it needs more story. This is how I in all my arrogant wisdom would do it:
Bright deep gold with a tawny centre.Nose
Sweet aromatics of fudge and muscovado sugar. Fruit compote and glacier morello cherries provide added complexity.Palate
Rich dark and seductive. Remarkable flavours of stewed fruits and all-spice marry together with classical aged Oloroso and toasted walnut bread and chocolate orange.Conclusions
Tremendously complex and long.
She returned at dusk as I was splitting wood for the night's fire. I missed her spicy cooking, her carefree accent, and the curve of her neck under her August black hair. She didn't want me to take her to the airport last week so I passed my time today, the day of her return, outside working and waiting for the sound of her car. I felt its low growl before I heard it. She revved that perfect V12 through the stillness of the valley before steadying it on the long drive up to the estate. I felt alive and whole as I put down my labours and strolled across to her. At that moment I didn't know who I loved more, that glorious car or her. When she stepped out from behind the wheel, copper sun catching her Oloroso hair like a halo, I knew it was crazy. It was her. It would always be her. We embraced and I disappeared in her arms. I was no longer of this earth.
Hyperbolic? Perhaps, but it really is good whisky.
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5 comments:
Now that is some sexy whiskey.
the reason for the "peaty" stuff is probably more for convention than for actually what it tastes of and i like your version better - far more romantic and generates a feeling of what it might actually be like.
I'm afraid that they'd be better off keeping me away from describing wines or spirits, i'd be incapable of fighting the urge to write something daft like "Has the aftertaste of a wet badger slapping you in the face"
The branding world needs you. I'm totally serious. Have you ever considered it?
DBS: oh yeahhhhhh
DFTP: you need to drink better whisky (I've had the Badger Slap kind before too -- only good for starting a frozen car in the winter)
Emma: Let's chat, oh wait, we are!
I suddenly feel like a drink. I wish more people spoke fluent (and fluid) metaphor.
My whiskey review would read something like this: It tasted kind of burny. It made me shudder when I tried to swallow it. I held my nose and gulped it down so I wouldn't have to taste it any more. Pretty good as far as whiskey goes.
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