A Buddhist goes to a Christian church

Go back to the beginning you will.

I haven’t been to church in a long time. Aside from weddings and funerals, it's been more than 30 years. My parents used to send my sister and I to Sunday school so they could have some “alone time,” but by the time I reached junior high, I felt alienated and ill-at-ease there (go figure). So I quit. I hated the idea of church after that. I got to the point of mocking the Jesus lovers as blind slaves to a myth of subservience and weakness.

As I aged, I felt the need for something more in my life. Work, pay bills, eat, sleep, weren’t enough for me. Perhaps my early church years primed me for metaphysical thinking or maybe I’m just wired this way. I started reading about Buddhism in the 80’s, but didn’t understand it. I attended a Buddhist gathering once, but the way they honoured the image of Buddha turned me off (scarring from my Pentacostal brain-washing days). Not much happened after that, but spiritual seeds had been planted. I felt like something wasn’t right and that maybe I didn’t have to feel helpless to the whims of fate and my family's predisposition to depression and anxiety disorder.

Eight years ago, I gave Buddhism another try. I had been reading more books and I appreciated how they believe that we are responsible for our own suffering and that we have all that we need inside us to be happy. It’s just a matter of shifting perception and making different choices about how we live our lives. I found a Buddhist group. I found a teacher. And I came to appreciate the idea of ritual and religious community again. I was old enough to understand the teaching too.

It all ended when I moved to the middle of nowhere. Not many Buddhists or vegetarians out here. I like where I live, but attending a Buddhist meditation session means a two-hour drive to the big city. Too much for me and it takes me away from a community I feel comfortable in. That and I wanted to introduce my kids to the idea of religious life.

Then here (in the middle of nowhere), I met some terrific people. Church-goers, but not pushy and genuinely easy to be around. Smart, friendly, raising children like my dear wife and I, and going through the same midlife experiences.

Today we gave Sunday church service a try. Same nice people. Easy-going service shy on ornate rituals and rich in music. And the sermon was ... OK. I learned something. The teaching was about sacrifice, hard-core and dark: Abraham was prepared to slit his own son’s throat to prove his faith to God (I guess there weren’t any sheep around) and at the last second his hand was stayed and God gave him a ram to kill instead. Sheesh. That’s a high price to pay for faith. Even killing a poor sheep is over the top.

How do you get a lesson for modern life from that?! Simple really. You convert the metaphorical music from this death-metal old testament composition to a modern pop ballad and you talk about the sacrifice we need to practice a religion (to practice anything). Buddhism is all about giving up your self so that you can live life free from suffering. Christians talk about being born again. It’s the same thing. I do prefer the quiet, private nature of Zen practice as opposed to the do everything in front of everyone practices you find in a Christian church (e.g., passing around the offering bowl so everyone can see how much you give).

For me, it means if I really want something (something worthwhile like inner peace), I need to give up my old ways of doing things. They don't work! It will take some sacrifice. I want to meditate more often. I know that it will give me insight into my habits and delusions, but damned if I can find the time to sit. It seems, I would much rather sleep an extra 30 minutes on a cold winter morning than get up and sit on my cushion. Can I give up the comfort of my bed, let go of some of my well-worn ideas and develop a regular meditation practice. I would never harm a hair on my son’s head, but maybe I could give up some of my night-time habits so that I could go to bed earlier and then get up early to meditate.

And I can go to church on Sunday morning. I never thought I would ever say that, but it's just down the street, the people are great, and the message is the same. I'll be a Buddhist in a Christian church who is working towards living a better life in the best way he can.

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