Some January colour

No boy left behind, January 2013

No tracks, January 2013

Snow ninja, January 2013

Some January colour, January 2013

No demons in sight

My head has been down these past few weeks. Working mostly, but also meditating, cuddling under blankets, eating moderately (a challenge), and yoga. I'm into the first of two weeks off and as usual when I'm on vacation, I'm anxious. It seems that work is my anchor in life (no time to face my demons) and whenever I have a chance to stop, I start my existential squirming. I'm faced with a small block of time and my mind freaks out because it doesn't know what to do. Install the new dishwasher, re-install it because it has to be perfect, put new tires on my motorcycle, shovel snow, finish reading this book so I can start that one, catch up on my movie wish list, sleep, do the taxes, meditate, exercise, take my vitamins, visit friends, finish and submit that story, arrgh! Time off is stressful! Why? Why can't I just relax and enjoy the time? Not sure about that one, but I think I'm getting closer. It has something to do with wanting to make the right choice and do the right things with the time I have. When I'm working, I don't have to make those choices. I just show up, do my best, and forget.

How's it going? It's been a while since I've said hi to my virtual friends. Here are some photos from this past Monday. We took the boys to the big city to spend their Christmas gift cards, hiked in Edmonton's gorgeous river valley, enjoyed some yummy Vietnamese food, and grabbed a bubble tea for the drive home. It was fun to be moving, laughing, seeing, consuming. No demons in sight.

Tires? Yes. Roads? Not even close, February 2012

Big dreams, February 2012

North Saskatchewan River: it flows underneath, February 2012

Leaking pipes = winter fun, February 2012

Rosehip tea, February 2012

University of Alberta, February 2012

Patient, February 2012

Take my hand, February 2012

Listen to them rustle in the wind, February 2012

Lost, unwanted, February 2012

Red wedge, February 2012

May peace prevail on earth, February 2012

Fleeing peace, February 2012

Mask of light, February 2012

The glowing mansion on the hill, February 2012

I don't need a knife, February 2012

Bubble tea holds us together, February 2012

Soccer hooligans

One under each arm, June 2011


Ouch! Right where it counts, June 2011


Perfect boy, June 2011


Attention takes flight, June 2011


U6 tableau, June 2011


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I will be your beast of burden

Rescue, May 2011

Little one was too tired to walk another step. Before I knew it, his brother was schlepping him up the hill. Dear wife and I must be doing something right.

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A family that planks together

Levitation plank, May 2011


Clean floor plank, May 2011


Hiker plank, May 2011


Lichen plank, May 2011


Look at me plank, May 2011

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The sunshine visit

Never seen that before, May 2011


Tea Cottage shadow, May 2011


A nice table for my bubble tea, May 2011


To run like a boy is to be free, May 2011


Royal Alex under blue, May 2011


I can still whup you boy, May 2011


Just give me some sun and I'll be fine, May 2011

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A story of brownies

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Don't be like me

Keep your eye on the ball, boy, March 2011

I stopped trying to get good grades by the time I reached grade six. I was a smart kid and was even spending time in the gifted room. I had it all. But then, it became more important to goof around and get people to laugh. I needed my peers to approve of me and stopped caring about marks. I didn't start trying again until I was 30 and needed 90th percentile marks to get into the speech-language pathology program. I was finally motivated.

My oldest boy is in grade three. His second report card came home today. Crumpled and wet from spilled juice in the bottom of his backpack.

"Oh yeah," he said, "I got my report card. What do I get for my treat?"

I took a look. The real subjects had number scores. The soft ones (art, music, gym) only had participation scores. Why are these classes given out for free? I used to be proud of those classes. Well, not gym, I sucked at gym. But art, that was my best class. I actually got a scholarship for art. It's not exactly like I went to Oxford or anything (not even close to exactly), but that recognition did oodles for my self-esteem.

Yeah, my boy is just like me. Let's goof around and have some laughs. Who cares about math. I'm never going to use it (turned out to be true). How am I going to teach him that doing well in the "boring" subjects will open up more choices for what he can do with his life. I didn't learn that lesson until I was 30 and I kicked ass in those classes that I had turned my back on before. I know what the cranial nerves do for God's sake! How cool is that?!

I put the report card down, washed the sticky off my hands, and sat down with my boy.

"You know, this isn't actually that good. These marks are all 3's. This one even went down."

"What does that mean?"

"It means average."

"What does that mean?"

Phew, this is a real transition here. School used to be about following rules and having friends. Now it's about -- gulp -- achievement. Smart kids have the ultimate last laugh. They're the ones who get the top-of-the-food-chain jobs. They're the people who earn the good money (except those who study for a year and go to work in the oil industry, but they mostly blow it on trucks, quads, and partying).

"Five is excellent, four is almost, three is getting by, two is missing most of it, one needs an special assistant," I instructed.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

He knew he wasn't getting a treat. The tears pooled and spilled over the top of his Michelangelo-inspired cheek bones. Maybe he was crying because he thought I didn't approve of him. I rushed to explain how I loved him, but not his marks. How I believed he was capable of more and that I would help him learn how to learn. We are going to see what he can do between now and the end of the year and then talk rewards. I hate the idea of using a bribe because I want him to want to do well because he wants to do well and not because my approval is contingent on his marks. I want him to be ambitious. I want him to believe in his ability to achieve whatever he wants and then get busy and do it.

But then I have to catch myself. I also want him to be above all this striving and status-grasping. I want him to love himself as he is and be happy with life as it is.

I guess I want that for myself too.

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The best way to get rid of something...

... is to embrace it.


I am grumpy, really!, March 2011


Trying the snow fort out for fit, March 2011


Snow down your back, March 2011


Too young to complain, March 2011

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I'm not complaining, really

It's 10:00 a.m. No rush to get up, February 2011


What are you smiling at?, February 2011


We're down to 1990 Ninja Turtle movies; provisions are running low, February 2011


Old-man winter get's the stink eye, February 2011

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One more day

One more day of vacation. I've enjoyed sleeping in and waking up after the sun pushes up into my rare northern sky. Today, my drowsy family slept until 11:00 a.m. and even then we only got up because it was 11:00. You could sure tell the sinners on our block; the only ones with unshoveled walks at this time on a Sunday morning. Winter is for sleeping I say. And dreaming big dreams.


Eldorado sunrise, January 2011


You have to dig for it, January 2011


Five second glimpse of light, January 2011


Car!, January 2011


Beware of Trojan water valves, January 2011


When I grow up I want to be Geoffrey James, January 2011

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